Zit Wars
by WritingGuy
Summary: This is a script parody of Star Wars I wrote when I was bored. I changed the title! One word describes this: Strange... Oh well, R&R!
1. Default Chapter

This is a parody script of Star Wars, and is NOT a motion picture. I wish it was, though! I own all of these characters, so don't sue me!  
  
Below is the cast (duh!). I am NOT implying that (most) of you are stupid, but to avoid confusion for those special people, I have included in (parenthesis) the Star Wars characters (which, I DO NOT OWN! George Lucas does!)  
  
Cast:  
  
Lord Soda (Yoda)  
  
Zit Buke Whopper (Luke Skywalker)  
  
Ahm Zit Polo (Han Solo)  
  
Turkey Fat (C3-PO)  
  
Oxy Cream (Darth Vader)  
  
Chicken Grease (R2-D2)  
  
Wet Naps (Storm Troopers)  
  
Lemon-Soaked Wet Naps (Snow Troopers)  
  
Many days ago, the face of teenager Robby Beiber was spotted with many Zits. The Zits of Robby were happy, and they didn't want to leave. Robby Beiber did. In order to get the Zits off his face, he bought Oxy Cream. He also tried Wet Naps. Out of plain stupidity, he tried chicken grease. Somehow, turkey fat came into the picture. Most Zits were killed by Oxy Cream. The few that weren't, were hated by the Dark Lord, Oxy Cream. He trained many Wet Naps, and was ready to attack.  
  
So were the Zits. They attacked with sweat-guns made by Trooper-Soaker, and tore apart the Wet Naps. Oxy Cream had a trick up his sleeve, too, as he and the Wet Naps use Zit-B-Gone guns to kill the Zits. This is the beginning of.  
  
(cool effect of transition title flies on-screen)  
  
Zit Wars  
  
(zooms in on planet Earth, then keeps on zooming in to the United States of America, then closer to Florida, then even closer to a city near Tampa, and finally to a house, where it stops in front of a boy with red hair, about the age 12)  
  
Boy (who's name is Robby Beiber, we will refer to him as Robby): OH MY GOD, I HAVE A FACE FULL OF PIMPLES! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THE DANCE IS THIS FRIDAY!  
  
Robby's Mother (who will always be named "Robby's Mother", as she rarely appears in the movie): Robby! Stop shouting, you'll wake up you sister!  
  
Robby: But, I've got a face full of pimp-  
  
Robby's Mother: Zippit!  
  
Robby: But-  
  
Robby's Mother: Zippit!  
  
Robby: You are SO copying off of Austi-  
  
Robby's Mother: When a problem comes along, you must ZIP IT!(makes zipping noise)  
  
Robby: You can get sued for that, you know!  
  
Robby's Mother: No I can't, it's just quoting! Now, hurry up, you'll be late for school!  
  
Robby: No! I'm not going!  
  
Robby's Mother: Yes you are, now hurry up!  
  
Robby: Fine!(gets out a tube of Oxy-Cream, and a bag of Oxy-Naps [who, for some reason, put the word "Oxy" on every product they create])  
  
(camera zooms in on one of Robby's denser-populated Zit areas)  
  
(zooms in on a house-like area in cheek)  
  
Zit Buke Whopper: Mother, Father, I believe that I should follow father's career in farming the sweat glands, without the easier work of modern technology. It is best for the Whopper Farm.  
  
Mother: Oh, we're so proud!  
  
Father (who never gets enough sleep, due to the horrible and annoying Amish farming he must do): Whaaaa? Oh, yeah, whatever.(Father falls asleep again)  
  
Zit Buke Whopper: I shall start the work with you tomorrow, Father, so teach me the ways of your farming.  
  
(Father does not answer, as he is asleep again, facedown in his dinner)  
  
Father: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..Zzzzzzzzzzzz..Zzzzzzzz...  
  
Mother: Father! You've made your point! (slaps Father on the back)  
  
(Father wakes up long enough to mumble "Ow", then falls asleep again, this time falling over backwards)  
  
(Suddenly, Zit Buke Whopper, who suffers from Bipolar disease, jumped up and glared at his parents, or, his Mother, because his father was snoring under the table)  
  
Zit Buke Whopper: I hate you all! I'm going to run away! I'm going to run away and away and away and away, and maybe even more away! I might never come home in a couple of days! (in case you can't tell, Zit Buke was raised in a very close family)  
  
(Zit Buke Whopper runs out of the door, while his father sleep-talks, and his mother cries)  
  
Zit Buke (muttering, as he runs): Stupid family.I'll teach them! Father wanting me to work on his sweat farm.Ha! As if I'd want to waste my time doing that! I'll teach them! Sweat farm.farm.of.sweat.(Buke suddenly realizes that HE wanted to work there, then realizes that his family did nothing wrong. He decides that, since now he's suddenly happy, to go back to the house. He has only walked about 15 millimeters [In his world, the world of Zits, that about 15 feet], so he suffers from EXTREME Bipolar disease)  
  
(Zit Buke starts to jog back to his house. He sees a ship there, with 2 objects walking onboard. After abut a second, Buke realizes that these objects are alive. He keeps walking, not noticing that these living objects have guns, and are Wet Naps. Suddenly, he realizes it)  
  
Zit Buke: Hey! Get back here, Wet Naps! I want to kill you! Aaaargh! (Buke is insane with anger, and then suddenly he is fine, figuring that nothing bad had happened)  
  
(The ship takes off, and Zit Buke makes it to his house)  
  
Zit Buke: Mother! Father! Wait, where IS Father?  
  
(Buke's mother was covered in the white Zit-B-Gone. She was dead)  
  
Zit Buke: Father? Where are you?  
  
(Zit Buke looks under the table, and sees his father, also dead)  
  
Zit Buke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (Buke gasps for breath) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Buke faints from lack of oxygen)  
  
(Fade to black)  
  
(Fade to seen in metal room, Buke is strapped to a bag of a brownish muck)  
  
Zit Buke: Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha.. (Buke keeps babbling this for some time, until a shapeless ball of turkey fat (who's name was, amazingly, Turkey Fat) slowly murked into the room)  
  
Turkey Fat: Shut up! We can here you through the whole ship! Just.shut.up!  
  
(Puddle of chicken grease (which, once again, was named Chicken Grease) slurped into the room)  
  
Chicken Grease: (Bubble, pop, bubble bubble, pop)  
  
Turkey Fat: What?!? Are you POSTITIVE, Grease?  
  
Chicken: (Bubble, pop!)  
  
Turkey Fat: Well, then just keep Zit Buke Whopper quiet, and I'll take care of that!  
  
(Turkey Fat rolls and flips out of the room)  
  
Zit Buke: Who are you? What are you doing? Why am I here? Why are we born? Why do we die? Why is my name Buke??? Why are you gagging me-(mumble, mumble grunt!)  
  
Chicken Grease: (Bubble, pop, pop-op-op! Bubble, bubble, pop-pop!)  
  
Zit Buke: (Through much straining to get the gag off) I don't know what the Oxy Cream you're saying!  
  
(Cut to Oxy Cream's base, which is to the right of the wrong, er, left eye)  
  
Oxy Cream: (breathing loudly though mask) Napkins', ASSEMBLE!  
  
(White Napkins line up)  
  
(One Napkin comes up to the Tissue Lord)  
  
Napkin: (Stuttering) Uh, uh, uh, uh, Darth Oxy Cream?  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: What is it, Commander Wet Nappy? (breathing loudly)  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: We, uh. We, uh. We, uh. We, uh. Uh, uh-  
  
Darth Oxy Cream : SPEAK!!!!  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: I couldn't kill the Rebel Zits, I just couldn't kill them all by myself! (Wet Nappy begins to sob, while mumbling incoherent phrases)  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: Party! (Sob, sob, cry) Shouldn't of (sob, mumble, sob- sob) shouldn't have (sob-sob, cry) drank beer (sob) Good part (sob) par (sob) party!  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: What?!?!?!? (loud breathing speed increasing)  
  
(Silver cylinder flies across the room to Darth Oxy Cream)  
  
(Cylinder (which is a Saber of Badness) lets a red beam out, in the shape of a sword)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: (gasping for breath, now) Failure is not accepted!!!  
  
(Darth Oxy Cream goes to slice at Wet Nappy, but the Saber of Badness runs out of "C" batteries, because stupid 'ol Oxy Cream didn't use Energizer batteries, and flickers off)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: (bleep!)  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: Uh, sir?  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: What is it, now, Commander Wet Nappy? You've already gave me a migraine!  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: You should've used Energizer.  
  
(A pink bunny with sunglasses and a drum walks into the scene)  
  
Pink Bunny (Who, as you know, or if you didn't know, is the Energizer bunny): I just keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going and-  
  
(Energizer Bunny stops because he had his batteries taken out with Darth Oxy Cream's telekinetic powers)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: Fool! Now, you shall die for correcting me, and failing to do an impossible task!  
  
(Darth Oxy Cream puts batteries into Saber of Badness, and Saber lights up again, this time making beeping and whooshing sound effects. The label is visible, and reads "Hasbro")  
  
Commander Wet Nappy: No, please! PLEASE!!!  
  
(Darth Oxy Cream Slices at the Commander, and Wet Nappy falls over, in two pieces)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: Commander Leemon, step forward!  
  
(Leemon nervously comes up)  
  
Leemon: Don't you mean, "Sergeant" Leemon?  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: No, you are the commander.  
  
Leemon: Th-th-tha-thank you, sir.  
  
(Commander Leemon walks over and picks up Wet Nappy's hat, and goes back in line)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: As you can see, one's failure is another's prize! Move out!  
  
(Napkins leave)  
  
(Scene goes to see Robby Beiber sleeping in his bed, the lights are on)  
  
Robby: (snoring, while muttering) No, no! Stop.Not moon.Craters? None.Stop.not off-road track.  
  
(Zooms in on Robby Beiber's head, until camera gets to a white hair strand)  
  
(White strand turns into white background)  
  
(Camera zooms out to show motorcyclists racing on his face. The motorcycles are jumping over the zits. Camera zooms out to show Robby screaming)  
  
Ironically, at that moment, many Zits were, in fact, BMXing around on his face.  
  
Too Be Continued In- Zit Wars: The Zit of Death and General Badness  
  
Well, what do you think? I tried, and it isn't exactly my best yet, but, I hope people like it! Please, since you enjoyed it (or possibly hated it), please review it!  
  
I have prepared a review that you can fill out, copy, and past over to the review box:  
  
Dear WritingGuy,  
  
I thought that this part of the script was (fill in this spot with an adjective that describes your feeling toward this script)! Please, (Write/Don't Write) more! I hope that you are (happy/upset) with the (insults/compliments) I have gave you!  
  
I am a (over-protective fan/parody-lover/ego maniac) who thinks that you should be (imprisoned/sent to the Loony Bin/given the Nobel Peace Prize, or some other medal) This is how I feel about your writing: (List multiple words that express you feelings toward what I am writing below)  
  
(1)____________  
  
(2)____________  
  
(3)____________  
  
(4)____________  
  
Drop Dead,  
(Your pen name here) 


	2. The Zit of Death and General Badness: Pa...

I have revised the cast, and added some more characters. These characters are not real! They are fictional, so DO NOT LISTEN TO THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD TELLING YOU TO- Oh, wait.that only applies for me.back by popular demand, live, it's Saturday Night! (I had to borrow that, sorry, Saturday Night Live, please don't sue! After all, as Robby's Mother said in Part One: The Saga Begins, it's only quoting!) So, Read it, enjoy it, and review it! Thanks! And remember: The Zit of Death and General Badness is only on Robby's face, not yours! (or, is it? Bum-bum BUMMMM!)Please, give me any suggestions for revising the cast, I will probably make the change!  
  
Revised Cast:  
  
Lord Soda(Yoda)  
  
Zit Buke Whopper (Luke Skywalker)  
  
Ahm Zit Polo (Han Solo)  
  
Turkey Fat (C3-PO)  
  
Oxy Cream (Darth Vader)  
  
Chicken Grease (R2-D2)  
  
Wet Naps (Storm Troopers)  
  
Lemon-Soaked Wet Naps (Snow Troopers)  
  
Princess Zit Leaky (Princess Lea)  
  
Ivory Soap (Boba Fett [I know that he's not in that movie, but anyways.])  
  
Big Tumor (Jabba the Hut)  
  
Zitacca (Chewbacca)  
  
Zit Wars Part Two: The Zit of Death and General Badness  
  
(Black)  
  
(With cool 3-D red and blue flashing of Saber of Badness' clashing together, the opening credits come on screen)  
  
(Crash!)  
  
Zitacca, Big Tumor, Ivory Soap (did you miss me?), Princess Zit Leaky, Lord Zit, Zit Buke Whopper, Ahm Zit Soda, Turkey Fat, Oxy Cream, Chicken Grease, Wet Naps, Lemon-Soaked Wet Naps  
  
(Crash!)  
  
(Camera zooms out to show Zit Buke Whopper crashing around in the same metal room he was last in, 2 days has elapsed)  
  
Zit Buke: You can't keep me in here forever, ya know!!!  
  
Turkey Fat (over P.A. System, which has other uses besides interrupting school periods, making kids happy and teachers angry): Oh, how do you know that, Young Buke? We can keep you there FOREVER!!!  
  
Zit Buke (Who has gone completely mad with anger, and gnawing at some of the dangerous electrical wires in the room, which led to nothing, was a way of knocking himself out and entertainment for the fat and grease pieces): You're insane! I'll bet you are from the Dark Side!  
  
(Turkey Fat whispers something, then a door opens up. He, and Chicken Grease walk in)  
  
Turkey Fat (with much contempt): Master Ahm Zit Soda has instructed me to teach you the language of Chicken Fat.  
  
Zit Buke (which, by this time, was very confused): Wait, MASTER Ahm Zit Soda? That means that you don't work for.Darth.Oxy Cream.(Zit Buke's voice trails off)  
  
Turkey Fat (sounding very irritated): Obviously. Now, shall we begin, or do you wish to gnaw on more electrical wires?  
  
(Turkey Fat gazed at Zit Buke's hair, which was sticking in every direction from the wires)  
  
Chicken Grease: Bubble-bubble! Splat pop! Splat bubble, pop! Pop-pop!  
  
Zit Buke: What the (bleep!) is he saying?  
  
Turkey Fat: He is saying that you need a comb.That is why I am teaching you.I hate being a translator, for Robby's Sake! (Why he used the word 'Robby' instead of the word Zit Buke used, 'Oxy Cream', is unknown. Different religions)  
  
(After many hours, Turkey Fat had taught Zit Buke, who will now be referred Buke Whopper, the language of Chicken Grease)  
  
Chicken Grease: Splat! Bubble pop, spat-at-pop! Bubble-bubble-bubble-SPLAT!  
  
Buke Whopper: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME???  
  
Chicken Grease: Splat! Bubble-bubble-bubble-SPLAT! (for now on, Chicken Grease will automaticly be translated)  
  
Buke Whopper: Oh, OK, sorry, R2, I mean, Chicken Grease. Now, (Buke is now directing the question to Turkey Fat) WHEN THE OXY CREAM CAN I LEAVE? (it is now apparent why Buke used 'Oxy Cream' that time)  
  
Turkey Fat: Soon, soon, as long as Master Ahn Soda allows you to. We are on our way to the Forehead. Darth Oxy Cream is, allegedly, building a Zit of Death and General Badness. It will evilly kill every Zit, pimple, and zit around.  
  
Buke Whopper: No!  
  
Turkey Fat: Yes.  
  
Buke Whopper: No!  
  
Turkey Fat: Yes! Now shut up, or else we will have to gag you again!  
  
Buke Whopper: OK.  
  
Ahm Soda (over the P.A. system): Attention, all passengers. I've always wanted to say that. Seriously, though, we are heading towards the Forehead at light speed. We will be there after making one quick stop in the nostril. We have one more passenger to pick up.  
  
Buke Whopper: Where am I?  
  
Ahm Soda (over the P.A. system): You are on: (cool sound effects in background, with neat-o voice effects) The Miniscule Millipede!  
  
Buke Whopper: Yeah.Is there any way of letting me out here?  
  
Ahm Soda: No.  
  
Buke Whopper: Please?  
  
Ahm Soda: Yes.  
  
Buke Whopper: Pretty please?  
  
Ahm Soda: I SAID YES!  
  
Buke Whopper: Oh, sorry.  
  
(The doors open, and a Zit is standing there, a shadow over him, so you can't tell any details)  
  
Buke Whopper: Yay, I'm free!  
  
Shadowy-Zit (Who is really Ahm Soda): Buke.(loud breathing) I am your father.  
  
Buke Whopper: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (gasps for breath) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Wait, no you're not! My father was killed with Zit-B-Gone guns!  
  
Ahm Soda: (bleeep)! OK, so I'm not your father. I don't know who you are, or who your father is. That does, in fact, usually scare people, though. Anyway, we have to stop by the Left Nostril on our way to the Forehead, which is where the Dark Lord, Oxy Cream is planning on building the Zit of Death and General Badness. We must pick up a princess, Princess Leaky.  
  
Buke Whopper: Princess Leaky? Do I know a Princess Leaky?  
  
Ahm Soda, Turkey Fat, and Chicken Grease together: Princess Leaky?  
  
Buke Whopper: Princess Leaky.  
  
("Do You Know the Muffin Man" music begins to play)  
  
Ahm Soda, Turkey Fat, and Chicken Grease together: Does he know Princess Leaky?  
  
Buke Whopper: Princess Leaky?  
  
Ahm Soda, Turkey Fat, and Chicken Grease together: Princess Leaky.  
  
Buke Whopper: Do I know Princess Leaky?  
  
(Suddenly, the music scratches to a stop. Camera swivels around to show a tall, hairy Zit holding a smashed record player. He makes a growling noise)  
  
Tall, Hairy Zit: Hee-roarRR! RoAR! HEE-ROOar!  
  
Ahm Soda: Zitbacca! Where were you?  
  
(Zitbacca begins to charade around to show how he was sitting there, minding his own business, when a duck, a duck, GOOSE! Came flying at him. He was then turned to jelly and was ate by his foot. This made him angry. He was having a bad day)  
  
Buke Whopper: What is THAT?!?  
  
Ahm Soda: HE is Zitbacca. And WE are at the Left Nostril! Come on, let's exit out!  
  
(The whole group leaves, and the ship gets very lonely)  
  
Ship: Hello?  
  
(Cut to the Forehead)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: The production of the Zit of Death and General Badness will be postponed until I am satisfied with Sergeant Parappa's break dancing abilities!  
  
(Darth Oxy Cream takes out his Saber of Badness)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: DANCE, PARAPPA, DANCE!!!  
  
(Sergeant Parappa gets onto the floor and tries to break dance. Miserably. First, he tries to spin on his head. Before he could try something else, Darth Oxy Cream took control)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: You are obviously too pathetic to (bleep)ing (Darth Oxy Cream's black mask is blurred out in case some people can read through his vents, and it was censored just to keep this story at a "G" rating. I dunno, maybe I should make an "Uncensored" Version. What do you think? Review it!) practice break dancing with all of the (bleep)ing breaks I give you! Where do you think they got the name? Break..Break dance..Break dance! You just can't (bleep)ing (once again, the Darth's mask was blurred out again) do anything by yourself, huh? How the (bleep)ing (bleep) could you survive without me?  
  
(Darth Oxy Cream uses his telekinetic powers to make Sergeant Parappa break dance. Even though he was in pain, he spun on his head beautifully. Everyone clapped)  
  
Darth Oxy Cream: SILENCE! Everyone will now work on the Zit of Death and General Badness again!  
  
(Everyone slowly wandered out of the room, some tripping each other)  
  
(Cut back to the Left Nostril, where Ahm Soda is hitting of Princess Leaky)  
  
Ahm Soda: So, do you want to come back to my house, and-  
  
Princess Leaky: Oh! You (bleep)! You (bleep)ing (bleep)!  
  
(Princess Leaky slaps Ahm Soda twice, then once again for good measure, and because she needed an extra three seconds to kill before Buke Whopper enters the scene)  
  
Ahm Soda (in pain): Ow! Why the Oxy Cream did you do that?  
  
(Buke Whopper enters the room)  
  
Buke Whopper: So, uh, Princess Leaky.  
  
Ahm Soda (jumping up): Don't try to get too close to here. She's loaded! (Ahm Soda rubs his cheek again, and exits the Nostril)  
  
Buke Whopper: OK, well, we'd better get back to the ship.  
  
(Princess Leaky stands up, and grabs Buke's arm)  
  
Princess Leaky: Wait! You know, just because I slapped HIM doesn't mean I'll slap YOU.  
  
Buke Whopper: Uh.I don't want to take the chance.  
  
(Buke leaves)  
  
Princess Leaky: Whatever.  
  
(Princess Leaky leaves the room. The camera follows her)  
  
Zitbacca: Hoowooo! Hee-rooo! Raaa-hyoo!  
  
Princess Leaky: What are you always growling about?  
  
(Zitbacca shows Princess Leaky a broken GameZit)  
  
Princess Leaky: Why do you care about that? Just buy a GameZit Advance!  
  
(Zitbacca stares at the smashed GameZit for a moment, then throws it over his shoulder and goes to buy a new one)  
  
(Princess Leaky smiles, then gets aboard the Miniscule Millipede)  
  
(Ahm Soda runs on-screen)  
  
Ahm Soda: Hello? Where is everyone? Oh, Robby! Now I'll have to go find them.  
  
(Ahm Soda walks of screen, cursing violently)  
  
(Turkey Fat comes out of the Millipede)  
  
Turkey Fat: Master! Where ARE you, Master? Oh, dear, now I have to wait.  
  
(Chicken Grease comes out of the Millipede, following Turkey Fat)  
  
Chicken Grease: Ahm Soda is where?  
  
Turkey Fat: I do not know, Grease! Did you not hear me?  
  
Chicken Grease: I hear did you. Where Soda is, I do not know as much as not you.  
  
Turkey Fat: Why do you always speak like that, Chicken Grease?  
  
Chicken Grease (bubbling annoyingly): It is being my programming. Binary bad, is it. I am it hating!  
  
Turkey Fat: You don't use Binary; you're a sludge puddle!  
  
Chicken Grease: Caught me! I am was been made with stupid chicken, was a living dead chicken. It I hated.  
  
Turkey Fat: "Living dead"? How can that be true?  
  
Chicken Grease: Off was it head, it was. Head chopped off, it lived still. Incredibly stupid, it was.  
  
Turkey Fat: Oh. That WAS a stupid animal. Come with me, let us wait for Ahm Soda to come.  
  
(Turkey Fat and Chicken Grease make their way inside this Miniscule Millipede)  
  
(Ahm Soda comes on screen)  
  
Ahm Soda: Ah, forget it. I'll leave without 'em!  
  
(Ahm Soda also goes inside the ship)  
  
(Camera cuts to inside the Miniscule Millipede)  
  
Ahm Soda: Oh, my Robby! Were you guys in here the whole time?  
  
Everyone Else: Yes.  
  
Ahm Soda: Oh.  
  
I will continue this after I get back From Kansas City, which will be one whole week from tomorrow, which is Wednesday. I love suspense, don't you? Well, please Review!  
  
By the way, I have once again prepared a review that you can fill out, copy, and past over to the review box:  
  
Here it is!  
  
Dear WritingGuy,  
  
I thought that this part of the script was (fill in this spot with an adjective that describes your feeling toward this script)! Please, (Write/Don't Write) more! I hope that you are (happy/upset) with the (insults/compliments) I have gave you!  
  
I am a (over-protective fan/parody-lover/ego maniac) who thinks that you should be (imprisoned/sent to the Loony Bin/given the Nobel Peace Prize, or some other medal) This is how I feel about your writing: (List multiple words that express you feelings toward what I am writing below)  
  
(1)____________  
  
(2)____________  
  
(3)____________  
  
(4)____________  
  
Drop Dead,  
(Your pen name here) 


End file.
